Friday, April 10, 2009

all systems go

sweet sweet sister has been giving me some shit about not updating, so here's your update, butterbean. usually when i'm quiet on the blog, it's because i've got more going on than i know what to do with rather than because i've got nothing going on at all. i'm sure scrolling back through the months will prove that i'm more prone to blog when i am bored and boring. :) even though nothing has actually changed yet, i feel like e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g around me is in total upheaval. and the good news is that it's all totally positive, and the s.s. melissa, after some initial wanting of my mommy, is setting sail for bigger and better on all fronts. as previously mentioned, i'm moving out of the house i've lived in for the last two plus years. i'll miss my roommates and i'll miss the chaos and i'll even miss those little devil kitty cats, but i am Excited with a capital "E" to have something different, something new, something mine. i'm going to look at a place this weekend that sounds pretty rad, and when i get all settled in, whether it's there or somewhere else, i'm having a big ol' housewarming. and the booze is on me. :) my personal life is g-double-o-d good. great, in fact. family and friends are all happy and healthy. I'M happy and healthy. my relationships with others are stronger and saner than they feel like they've ever been, and i am truly glad to be moving ever forward in closeness with my parents, sisters, friends, and maybe, just maybe, a boy. (i know, right? a freaking boy? i'm a loser. winkety wink.) i am trying to get my ass back into college. i touched on this plan in my new year's resolution post, and i asked people not to comment on it because it's "a personal decision." dude, that's bullshit. the reason i didn't (and maybe still don't) want any comments is because i'm embarrassed. i'm embarrassed to be 25 (and a half) years old and have nothing to show for my professional semi-adulthood but a string of office jobs that do nothing but bore and age me. nothing against office jobs, of course. but the office jobs i've had have been particularly heinous and not nearly worthy of my melissa-ness. (i don't even care if that makes me sound like a little shit. i feel like it's the god's honest truth.) i took a break from school after my sophomore year, and i'm convinced even now that that was a necessary course of action for me. i totally took for granted the opportunities generously laid in my lap, and i fully support the decision to take a step back and grow up a little before completely destroying myself with parties and alcohol and frat boys. but i've let this hiatus last for six years. SIX YEARS. unacceptable. and yes, i've met great people and been great places and learned great lessons that i wouldn't have if i had stayed on track, but the time for wasting away my twenties is over. and i'm doing my damnedest to remedy some of the maybe-poor decisions i have made. it's going to be a bit more complicated for me than it might be for someone else to get back in the game because of certain (hopefully fixable) mitigating circumstances, but i'm going for it anyway. so, comment away, if you like. i'm putting no restrictions on this one. :)

so, like i said, upheaval. i am making slow but sure progress to sloughing away what hasn't worked and diving into what will. keep your fingers crossed, friends 'o mine; it's feeling like a nine on the richter scale, and i'm not yet standing in the doorway for protection.


Megan said...

hooray for updates! and also hooray for upheavals. i'm sure you know that when all the craziness is done with and you're officially into a new phase in your life, you'll be thankful you just did it. jump, indeed sister. you give yourself the best advice :)

miya p. said...

a) i just drew a little picture of a melissa-sailboat in my head. it was adorable.

b) i best get an invite to the boozefest, i'm well overdue for some drunken fist fighting and morning after regret

c) yay for boys, ridiculous or not, i hope to have one of my own someday

d) one requires subsections 1. might i remind you that i am 29 and just now graduating. 2. it has been awesome and it has been hell. 3. i am realizing now that while i am glad i did it and i wouldn't change it, there are a lot of choices that i could have made that would have been equally valid. 4. my point is-do what makes you happy, you only have so many hours, live them.

e) xo

Jax said...

I love this post! First of all, you'll LOVE living by yourself (sounds like that's the plan). I thought I'd be lonely at first, but when I realized I could do whatever I want, never had to worry about my cheetos being eaten or whether I should walk in the living room b/c so-and-so's boyfriend might be there and I had my underwear on..., I realized how awesome it was!

And as for the school thing, I have to say, I think you're doing it right. I'm not saying I did it wrong...but part of me often thinks "maybe I woulda figured out law wasnt the gig for me if I hadnt been in such a hurry to rush through school." I dunno. I mean.. I know I'm not the only one who piled up mountains of debt..only to be happy now...but not be doing what I even went to school for. hahaha.. I believe whatever path you take, as long as it gets you in a place you're happy with, it's the right I guess I'm just saying, I think you have more perspective than you're giving yourself credit for! :)

And uh.. finally....YAY FOR THIS BOY!!! :) It's amazing what a healthy relationship can do for the psyche. hah.. Trust me. I'm learning that lesson right now, too.. ;)

Miss your pretty face! Keep up the blogging! You're not foolin anyone when you're not blogging.. We all know you're busy n jazz and I personally wanna hear about it. (no pressure though.. haha) XOXO!

Jax said...

And also...fairly certain you'll rock whatever you do...b/c you're Melissa. And Melissa rocksmyfaceof. (Insert me hoping I have a meeting in Arkansas soon I can come play!)

Jax said...

And also...fairly certain you'll rock whatever you do...b/c you're Melissa. And Melissa rocksmyfaceof. (Insert me hoping I have a meeting in Arkansas soon I can come play!)

Sarah said...

just do it. i know you can and i want it for you.

Big Mike said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Big Mike said...

I heart you, pretty gal. I'm here when you need some muscle to move all your stuff.