yep, they're gross

i had a cigarette today. it tasted like butt. this pill they gave me is doing it's job on the real. and now that i'm not smoking, i'm kind of hood rich. i haven't bought a pack since saturday so today i treated myself to some bbq pork and a sweet potato with the extra cash. i guess this is why people gain weight when they quit. this weekend i plan to be drinking. and usually drinking means two things and one of them is lots of cigarettes. so i guess we'll see how it goes. no need to cross your fingers, though, because i can hardly stand the taste anymore. and if it makes me an idiot to think that's a tiny bit depressing, then so be it. newsflash: i just realized how funny those first two sentences are together.

big news weekend

for starters, we FINALLY got window units in our house, which means a few things: a) i can blow-dry my hair again (although i may not; i'm kind of loving the only 1/2 an hour it takes me to get around in the a.m.), b) i can go to sleep with clothes on and under both blankets, and c) i am super-tough for having made it through june with no a/c! hooray for melissa!

in other WAY HUGER news.... yes I QUIT SMOKING! saturday was my last day and i am officially smoke free. how about another hooray for melissa! it's not so bad now, but it's only been one day and maaaaaan did i miss that after dinner cigarette yesterday. anyhow, i'm on my way to being a non-smoker, so i can stop lighting my money on fire (i thought that pic was insanely appropriate).

so now i'm at work and i'm kind of dancing around in my chair still on the good-weekend high. got to see my daddy, megs and i hit the atrium (jesus, it's been too long!), i put down those damn camels, and my room is like an igloo. and now i'm humming. monday, don't you f*ck up this vibe.

feliz cumpleanos!

(how do you do an upside down exclamation point on a computer?)
oooooweee! it's sarah's birthday. : ) i am very sad to have no pictures of my dearest otherwise i would post one here. i will, however, wish her the happiest-sans-photos birthday EVER!!! love you, lover bug!

all the noise Noise NOISE

ugh they're remodeling in the building next door and it's SO F-ING LOUD. literally, the construction is just on the other side of the wall i'm facing and baby's bout to need an excedrin or something. it's wednesday so there's another big fat UGH for you. i'm going to mtn. home this weekend. jealous? : ) i didn't get to see my daddy on father's day so i plan to remedy that, and i'm also going out drinking with big meg, which i haven't done in way too long. look out, local redneck bar/club/only venue within 50 miles---it's haney time. guess what meg gets to do on friday? her office throws two parties a year, once in the summer and once at christmas. and this year they're playing drunk softball. and they get t-shirts. and i'm jealous. and it's ugly. and i'll probably stop by for a beer when i get into town. : )

done and done

...at least for now. i saw dr. lee today and the tests that i took on monday show that i'm not as bad off as i could be. i don't have to go on the steroid treatment (EVERYONE SAY A QUICK THANK YOU JESUS) for the time being. i'm on advair twice a day every day for the next two months, and then i go back for a follow-up at which time i'll hear one of the following statements:
a) woo hoo! it worked! you're back to normal!
b) well, you haven't gotten any worse so let's just keep at it, or
c) sadly, it's not good news. time for the prednisone (at which point i will cry).
regardless what happens in august, right now i'm golden. thanks for thinking of me. your questions and concerns and hugs and kisses mean more than you know. and to be honest, i'm feeling very positive about the eventual outcome. in fact, i'm feeling too legit. too legit to quit. ha.

not titled, untitled, post minus title

ahhh back to work. shit. : ) the weekend was a blast. the drive to tulsa never seems as bad when i'm with kat. it literally couldn't have taken more than an hour, right? the party was a success, even through the rainy weather and it was so good to see everyone. really good. and if you live in the greater tulsa area and find yourself wanting to go out to breakfast at a cheap little hole in the wall (which are usually my favorite), please steer clear of that one on harvard. maybe it's not on harvard. i'd print the name but that may be considered slander. anyhow, i went there twice in two days, one time with one other person and once with thirteen others, and good god. ridiculous. okay enough about that. congratulations to jenny and jeff, and thanks for having me. i had a fantastic time. love love love you guys.
quick note---pretty much everyone i know right now is busted up with some kind of injury or illness. i'm saying a quick prayer to allah that we all get on the mend quick so that the next get together is about nothing else but getting together. feel better, girls. baby needs you healthy.
incidentally, this picture is of my 10-year-old niece, hannah. will someone please tell me when on earth she grew up? look at that girl. gorgeous. : )

she looks just like her gorgeous mommy. except for her chin. ugh. she got that from her dad. ugh again.

awwwww shit

see, i have these friends that i don't get to see enough, so when we get together for a few days it's not like we need a reason to celebrate. but if we did, jenny and jeff's engagement would be the perfect reason. kat and i are headed to tulsa tonight (please god let the weather cooperate) to see our favorite okies and this weekend promises to be a BLAST. and as ms. jennifer lenore barrow said this morning, "nothing can mess up this day." agreed. i couldn't have said it better myself. : )

p.s. today is jonathan's birthday. he does not read this blog, but it merits mentioning. : )

alive and well (mostly)

i spoke to my doctor this morning and i DO NOT HAVE lymphoma or anything even close!!! wooo hooo!!! *deeeep breath and a HUGE sigh of relief* what i do have is something called sarcoidosis, which i semi-suspected after both my GP and my pulmonologist mentioned it. it is an autoimmune deficiency that may or may not be a part of the rest of my life. after i got off the phone with the doctor i immediately googled it and checked webMD which had me pretty much shit-scared for a little bit; there are some not so nice things that might go along with this diagnosis. but i pulled myself away because, you know what? i'm going to be fine. and until i can sit down with my doctor and talk to him about what's going to happen to me, there is no sense in focusing on the worst-case senario like i've been doing since this whole thing started. so, i have to go to the hospital on monday afternoon to get some blood work done and take a more intensive breathing test to see what happens next. and until then, i'm just going to be relieved because even if it's bad, it could've been ten times (maybe twenty!) worse. a lot of you have left the sweetest comments and some have called and couple have listened to me cry and panic and i want to really really really thank all of you. seriously. most of the time i feel like i'm tough as shit, but even batman had some back-up, right? : ) thanks and i love you. i'll keep you posted. HOORAY!!!!!!!

one hundred billion dollars

that's what i feel like. i had a fantastic weekend with my roommates and it's just what the doctor ordered. we went downtown friday night and even though i probably shouldn't have been drinking after a biopsy, i figured i kind of earned me a buzz. and boy did i get one. : ) you can't eat like eight crackers for dinner and expect to hang all night. on saturday tatum and slade and i hung out in the farmers market all morning all ate at the flying fisssssssssh which i L-O-V-E. then i went to barnes and noble and drank some coffee in the rain. well, not in the rain. it was raining outside. yesterday we just hung out at the house. got some laundry done, cleaned the kitchen, grilled some chicken and relaxed in our awesome backyard all night.
it was absolutely perfect. i love my housemates. : )