Friday, March 30, 2007

hello this is your old body calling

i am definitely a victim of departmental fattening, that is FOR SURE. man, these girls love them some potluck, you know? and they don't bring nasty store-food; these people go home and MAKE DELICIOUS TREATS that i have a very hard time resisting. and so, rather than hope pilates will melt away the excess (ha! it didn't work last fall, did it melissa?), i have signed up with a trainer at my gym and project let's-get-this-girl-looking-hot-like-she-was-20-again is underway. pretty soon, i'll be looking like this: (only maybe less cartoon-y)

please let it work please let it work please let it work please let it work please let it work. i'm vain and i can't afford lipo.

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

hump day bitchfest

i'm posting a picture of my boy jay-z because i was initially going to free-style this post. but i am too embarrassed to do it. i don't know if my rap skills are up to par. so i will instead just speak my piece it like the suburban white girl i am. : )
so, overtime is nice and i refuse to complain too hard about getting paid time and a half. but overtime this week at my job is mandatory. that's right, MANDATORY. that sort of sucks all the fun out of it, you know? we're under-staffed, under-motivated, and definitely under-paid. i don't know if all of these words need to be hyphenated or not. that's how run-down i am. damn, another maybe-hyphen. oh god make it stop.
it's wednesday, so you know what that means. ANTM, bitches. that's what it means. and idol cuts, although i'm quickly losing interest as it seems the voting public insists on painfully watching sanjaya until the bitter end. damn you, teenage girls. damn you all.
i need a night out. let's go dancing and drink our weight in cheap beer. who's in?

Monday, March 26, 2007

things i did this weekend

by melissa margaret haney the first

a) sprained my damn ankle. ouch ouch ouch. on the upside, i've been sitting around like a princess with my foot propped up and getting lots of sympathy from tatum. *editor's note* i'm pretty sure my foot is cuter than the one in this picture.
2) won $20 at oaklawn on saturday! i bet $2 on a horse called "junior college." i thought that name was hilarious and i must have been the only person in the joint who bet on him because $20 is a pretty decent return.
d) went to see 300 yesterday with my girl jessica. we both LOVED it and i highly recommend it. so good, folks. so good.
5) received a return email from a freelance writer in new york with whom i am basically obsessed. i sent her a little love note and asked how she got such a cool job and she actually wrote back. we may end up being pen pals. and you may see my name in print on something other than my silly blog!

so here we are, back at monday (already?!?). foot's propped up, desk is a mess, belly is full (thank you chick-fil-a), and afternoon seems endless. hope everyone had a good weekend!

Thursday, March 22, 2007

as predicted

*sigh* the picture above is my girl jaslene displaying some mad posing skills in a scene straight out of entrapment (i love that movie, and i loved this challenge). she'll never win the competition because as big meg so correctly pointed out, when it comes time for them to shoot the covergirl commercial (please, god, let little jaslene make it to that episode) no one will be able to understand a word she's saying for all the brooklyn-cha cha she's got going on. but that's okay because she's making my favorite show that much more enjoyable in the meantime. thursday is infinitely better, for anyone who's interested. : )

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

i completely agree, mr. fox

the first guy to dub wednesday "hump day" probably laughed and laughed and laughed. and, usually, wednesdays are not so bad. hump day, ha. that's kind of funny. but matthew fox and i are on the same page about this particular wednesday. it's not even lunchtime yet (and i go to lunch kinda early, people) and already i am giving the finger to this stupid day. ugh. the ONLY saving grace about today (especially in light of the fact that this afternoon will more than likely not see an incline in non-suckiness) is that america's next top model will be on tonight. help me, tyra. for pete's sake, HELP ME TYRA. wednesday's a blood-sucker. march 21st is not welcome here any longer (until 7pm). also, i had a nightmare about sanjaya from american idol last night. a full-on nightmare. i really should have just stayed home today.

Monday, March 19, 2007

i definitely burned both ends

friday night: ladies night with some chicks from work who rarely get out of the house. it could've been tame, but it was the exact opposite. hooray for dancing like we're in kanye video! a pretty boy asked me for my phone number and i obliged. he called last night and we small-talked a bit, and he informed me (i really don't know how this came up) that he has a car-unlocking kit thingy. he is now my new favorite person as i am REALLY BAD about locking myself out of the malibu.
saturday: hey, let's go to tulsa! why the hell not? irish music, satellite radio, plenty of cigarettes and miss kathleen made the trip go by quickly and st. patrick's day at jenny's was ON FIRE for real. *sigh* that was seriously fun. except for eskimo joe. jesus jenny, being single is not a terminal illness and please quit telling people i will f*ck for a buck because we both know the rates have gone up. :)

i am at work right now, really wishing i'd taken a little bit more advantage of sunday evening (aka recovery time) but of course i did not. i missed ANTM on wednesday and the CW (bless their little hearts) re-ran it last night. all in all, weekend = success and melissa = not as young as she used to be.

Thursday, March 15, 2007

ides schmides

the ides of march are not so bad, ceasar. at least this one wasn't. we had a chili cook-off in my office today and although my team won exactly zero awards (we got robbed on the real) we had a damn good time. yum yum yum our chili was delicious! and we should've gotten some style points for sure. yeah, all the other tables were very clean with very pricey decorations and cutesy little costumes for all the team members, but our set-up was like a real mexican restaurant. we had that low-budge-kinda-dirty-questionable-employees-awesome-food vibe going. oh well. maybe next year.

in other news, this weekend is ST. PATRICK'S DAY and oh boy am i excited. to answer your question, jenny, yes i will be there will bells.... uh.... beers on. baby can't wait! i don't have to sleep in my car do i? i really hate that.

and finally, tomorrow is this guy's birthday. yea for birthdays and yea for pittman! have fun, be careful, and don't forget to close your eyes reeeeeal tight when you blow out the candles; you want to be sure you get whatever you wish for. : ) haaaaaaaappy birthday!!! (by the way, i definitely snatched this pic from pitt's facebook profile. i'm that girl. i have posted no pictures on this blog that are not someone else's first. i do not like this fact, but neither am i ashamed.)

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

no news is good news, yeah?

at least i have "ice ice baby" stuck in my head to get me through the afternoon. and now you do, too. hooray. : )

Friday, March 9, 2007

R.I.P. biggie

today is the 10th anniversary of big poppa's passing, and i'd like to take a moment just for him. he's seen us through so many things... high school, college (well, the little bit of it i saw), young adulthood... biggie's music lives on in hearts, minds, spirits, and dancin' feet. thanks, christopher wallace, from rap-loving gringas everywhere.
okay, moment's up. i'd better get back to work before blogging gets my ass fired.

Thursday, March 8, 2007

guess who's not coming to dinner

unfortunately, mr. mike howard (aka-- big mike, big red, big kuntry... pretty much all of his nicknames start with "big" and if you know him, then you know why) is unable to party in c-town this weekend as originally planned. but that's okay because we'll see him soon and we'll certainly be glad to make up his drinkin' for him. but guess who is coming this weekend...
megan elizabeth haney, that's who.
this, as you can tell, is very exciting news. we loves us some sister, that is for sure. so any and all interested and meeting and/or reacquainting yourself with sweet little meg pie, please give me a shout. it's haney time, bitches. which basically is the best time ever.
p.s. creepy fax guy complimented me on my necklace today and then leaned in reeeeeeal close to get a good look at it and now i smell like his skanky cologne and shame.

Tuesday, March 6, 2007

well color me embarrassed

in reference to the post below, i have decided that if i was one of the seven dwarves i would be bashful. or maybe i would be dopey. either way, my name is melissa and i am a comment whore. i feel no shame in asking for them either! love love love me some comments and love love love to all who leave them. and, jillian, i completely agree about the "one comments" thing. who the hell is in charge of checking stuff like that and why the hell do they still have a job? i don't have much to say today except the following: 1) creepy fax guy at work should seriously ease up on the cologne. it ain't a disco. 2) antm. tomorrow night. getcha ass ready. and finally 3) my arm looks ENORMOUS in that picture. jeez louise. uh... i've been lifting weights... uh... yeah.

Monday, March 5, 2007

i'll never let her go again ever ever ever

okay, so this isn't actually my car. but it looks pretty damn close, and that's all that matters. sugar is home safe and sound, after the WORST car-fixing experience of all time. i'll spare you the details, but i didn't get to mtn. home until 2:30 am on saturday. and i was supposed to be there around 7:30/8. um, ridiculous. ridiculous. ridiculous on all counts. after a pretty rough start (jesus what a nightmare), i had a fantastic weekend. just hanging out with my dad, checking out all the farm land, feeding the cows, freezing our asses off, bitching about firestone (if you need help with your vehicle, please do not go to 711 front street in conway. you'll thank me later.), and nap-nap-NAPPING. now i guess it's back to work for another week. yucko. i do have one more thing to say and that is this: only one person commented on my last post. and that was megan. and she is my sister. i have to say i'm a little heartbroken about that. i also have this to say: my dad shot a woodpecker this weekend. please do not call the police as he is my father and i love him.

Thursday, March 1, 2007

wanted: 12-step program

i entered this photo in a contest online called "show us your wow." it was either this pic or one a little more x-rated. i'm just kidding. OR AM I.....

we're drinking...uh THINKing really hard

iye iye iye! somebody buy those hotties a round!

so these are from TriviaNightTuesday and boy was it fun. lots of friends, lots of beers, LOTS of wrong answers! just a quick post today (crazy, right?) because i wanted to display these lovely pictures. if you missed america's next top model last night, either because you are on a tv-fast or because you are BANANAS IN THE HEAD, good golly you missed a good one. i am going to try my best not to let every post immediately following an episode be a review of said episode, but i am also well-practiced at ignoring my own good intentions. so i guess we'll see. i'm off to the home of the mountains tomorrow, so i hope everyone has a good weekend. pour one out for your homey. holla back.