Friday, February 27, 2009

east I-40, 7:42am

so i left my house a little late this morning. not a big deal. it's friday. but since i haven't been tanning in a while, my face is starkly white without the make-up i didn't have time to put on a la casa. so i'm driving and applying blush at the same time, so as to appear less like casper and more like me. not a big deal. it's not like it was a seriously distracting application, like eyeliner. i look over to my right, and what do i see in the next lane? this guy in a pick-up with like three teeth in his whole head laughing at me. laughing at me. hmph. i like to think i wouldn't have laughed at him had i caught him putting in his dentures. i'm just sayin.

so it's the 27th of february. and february only has 28 days. you do the math. it's almost over, huh? although i have to say, boys and girls, this hasn't been a bad month for me. there's been a little shit, but there always is, you know? can't really blame ol' feb for that. i guess my bottom line on the subject is... BOOSH. boosh boosh boosh! one day and a wake-up until the month where sarah's baby arrives (i'm guessing...), st. patrick's day, spring break (although i don't get one), warmer weather, and who knows? maybe a road trip or two. bring it on. see you on sunday, march.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

forty (long) days and nights

so i'm taking the plunge and i'm giving up beer for lent. i know, i know, you don't think i'll be able to do it. well, i'm here to tell ya, i WILL. there is still red wine, there is always vodka. i think this is going to be a fun little experiment. this comes, of course, with a couple of stipulations. for example, i will NOT be ordering mixed drinks at a couple of specific bars that make them real shitty-like. also, i have a vacation planned before easter and i will probably have a couple beers then. hey, it doesn't count if you're on vacation, right? so, buckle up, friends. let's watch my waistline whittle together, shall we?

p.s. additionally i'm giving up soda, which is no big deal cause i don't drink that much of it anyway. but i've been drinking A LOT of coke lately and i need to knock it off.

p.s.s. today starts the officially countdown: one week until antm!!! are we still having a watch party? where? do you want to get dinner first? i'll bring the wine... ;)

Monday, February 23, 2009

like a cracked-out oprah

blow it up to get the full effect. (that's what she said.)

i've been going through the archives of toothpaste for dinner, natalie dee, married to the sea, and superpoop for about an hour now. please don't tell on me. while we're on the subject of keeping secrets, it would be GREAT if the following could be kept between us:
*i had TWO cokes at lunch today. real ones. oops.
*my hair is dirty enough that it might stay in this ponytail without the elastic.
*when i remembered that the bachelor is on tonight, i yelped out loud.
*the guy is away for a week with little to no contact and i might be kind of a little bit sort of frowny-faced about it.
*i pretended to be on the phone when someone i don't particularly like walked into my office today so that someone else would have to deal with him.

this has been another episode of SHHH! please join us next week when our topic will be "blogging at work instead of filing."

Friday, February 20, 2009

reader be warned

sometimes, i am in a BAD FUCKING MOOD. i like to think of myself as a pretty optimistic girl, and i like to think that my smile to frown ratio is better than most. HOWEVER, there are days, like today, when i am frustrated and, let's not mince words here, just FUCKING PISSED OFF. without naming names or getting too specific, i am listing some of what is chapping my ass right now.
1. when you say you are going to call me, then please call me. i am worried and aggravated when you don't.
2. i don't ask for many favors. when i do, it's because something is important to me and i can't make it happen by myself. please don't make me beg. i don't make you beg, do i?
3. it hurts my feelings and makes me terribly insecure when you act like i am overreacting. i am a chronic overreactor, and i know what it feels like. in this case, person i'm talking to? i am NOT overreacting.
4. do not call me "honey," "babe," "sweetie," or anything like it unless you are a close friend, a boyfriend, or a relative.
and finally,
5. please do not feel the need to comment on this blog if you are put off by its negativity. everyone gets pissed off once in a while. and you know what? i'd rather blow off steam here than anywhere else. i made this m*therf*cker. i'll use it how i want.
okay, i am owning this shit mood, and i will get over it, guaranteed. i always do. it was either post about it, or scream for two solid minutes. i don't want anyone to call 911, so i'm utilizing my alternative.
ONCE AGAIN, i will make a note here that says that if you're reading this, i'm probably not talking about you. i am certainly sometimes passive aggressive, but not cruelly so.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

crap crap crap

so, despite my best efforts, i will be in town this weekend. do you wanna come over? or do you wanna go out? 'cause we're doing something. and you'd better be there. xo

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

late or never?

hey, remember when i said i was going to california? i did! see?

this is my favorite one... taken from the ferris wheel on the santa monica pier.
i could not BELIEVE that these people were actually in the water. i realize that it's california, but it was still january, for cryin out loud. no way was that ocean more than 50 degrees.
i'm trying to go to new orleans this weekend. i have exhausted most of the options i can think of in the way of planes, trains, and automobiles in order to get there. does anyone have a hovercraft i can borrow? i understand that i'm asking at the last minute, but i'll fill up the tank before i bring it back. i promise.

Monday, February 16, 2009

Friday, February 13, 2009

maybe you hate it

and that's just fine by me. but i want to say happy valentine's day anyway. if you're reading this, i more than likely love you all the way to the moon and back, and don't know who i'd be without you. love love. have a good weekend. xo

Thursday, February 12, 2009

this is not a sad post

just a curious one.

so you know when you get angry or frustrated or confused and you need to talk about it? i get that way sometimes, and i know you do too. and it always feels SO much better when you've spewed whatever it is out, even if you've solved nothing, right? i like to be the person my friends feel like they can come to in those situations. and even though i may not give the best advice, i like to think i've got sympathetic ears, and shoulders built for leaning on. keep it coming. and don't apologize when you do. this is what friends are supposed to do for each other, and i'll be there for you (clapclapclapclap... "friends" theme song? anyone? no?).

so lately, i've had some things on my mind. and i wonder: now that my friends are really for real grown up with grown up problems, what do mine really matter? i mean, i feel better after a good spew just like anyone else. but after being on the receiving end of some spew-age, my shit seems kind of stupid. i'd feel almost guilty telling anyone what's bothering me after i've heard their woes. it'd be comparable to the following:

me: i stubbed my toe today.
friend: ugh that sucks. i got hit by a bus and no longer have the use of my arms or legs.
me: yikes. my toe kind of hurts.

see what i'm saying? it'd be selfish to unload my ridiculous worries on someone who's going through much more than me. i have no bottom line, and expect no sympathy. i'm just using the ol' blog to speak my piece, as i quite often do. this concludes my pity party. thanks for tuning in. :)

***editor's note: this is not in reference to ANYONE or ANY SITUATION in particular. i've been thinking about this for a while, so if we've recently talked about your troubles, worry not that i am complaining about you. i'm not complaining about anyone. for realsies. :)

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

good one, jerk

there have been conflicting reports as to the return date of my very favorite show, america's next top model. i had it on "good" authority that cycle 12 would begin on february 25th. i have since seen a promo on the all-knowing cw, and they are broadcasting a start date of MARCH THE FOURTH. i want to thank the following sources for the confusion: google, the cw, wikipedia, and last but CERTAINLY not least, tyra freakin' banks, who is basically the root of all evil.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

tuesday in stereo

today is tatum's biiiiirthday! she is 25, like me. she's also cute, like me. we may as well be twins. feliz cumpleanos, ladybug. that's really all this post is about. but for those of you aren't fortunate enough to know tatum, i will include the following:

i laughed until i almost puked when i saw this. please tell me you find it as funny as i do.

Sunday, February 8, 2009

just a thought

how is it that sunday nights are always filled with anxiety and dread for monday, when sunday mornings are sooooo fantastic? when do i crossover from relaxed to tense? after dinner? i'll have to investigate... i used to think saturday night was my favorite part of the week, but it is fast becoming sunday morning. there's a fine line between them, you know...

Friday, February 6, 2009

i am such a bitch

so this lady walks in today. she shows up at 2pm for a 1:30 appointment, and gives no reason for her lateness, and no apologies either. she doesn't look at me one time while she's speaking to me. she says, "i need to see (insert boss' name), but i need the restroom first." i politely (i think) say (while looking at her waiting for her to look at me), "the ladies' room is the third door on the left, and you'll pass boss' office on the way." she doesn't say thank you, but she does dig through the candy dish on my desk and grab FIVE pieces of chocolate. upon leaving the building, she says nothing to me.

the reason i'm a bitch? this woman is probably very nice, supportive of her friends, fun to be around, and all-around just fine as a person. but this little glimpse of her will make me feel like she's a total asshole every time i see her (if i ever have to again).

hi. my name is melissa, and i will judge you at my leisure. :)

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

attention co-workers:

this one's for you. stop making me crazy.

in other news, i like the resolve i've seen on some of your blogs to make february good this year. there is much to look forward to: sarah's having a BABY!, i have a lunch date with seldom-seen friends this weekend, might make saturday a movie night, i inexplicably love valentine's day, mardi gras mini-vacation is in like two weeks, antm comes back on the 25th (!!!), and then POOF. it will be march. hold on tight. four down and twenty-four to go.