all systems go

sweet sweet sister has been giving me some shit about not updating, so here's your update, butterbean. usually when i'm quiet on the blog, it's because i've got more going on than i know what to do with rather than because i've got nothing going on at all. i'm sure scrolling back through the months will prove that i'm more prone to blog when i am bored and boring. :) even though nothing has actually changed yet, i feel like e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g around me is in total upheaval. and the good news is that it's all totally positive, and the s.s. melissa, after some initial wanting of my mommy, is setting sail for bigger and better on all fronts. as previously mentioned, i'm moving out of the house i've lived in for the last two plus years. i'll miss my roommates and i'll miss the chaos and i'll even miss those little devil kitty cats, but i am Excited with a capital "E" to have something different, something new, something mine. i'm going to look at a place this weekend that sounds pretty rad, and when i get all settled in, whether it's there or somewhere else, i'm having a big ol' housewarming. and the booze is on me. :) my personal life is g-double-o-d good. great, in fact. family and friends are all happy and healthy. I'M happy and healthy. my relationships with others are stronger and saner than they feel like they've ever been, and i am truly glad to be moving ever forward in closeness with my parents, sisters, friends, and maybe, just maybe, a boy. (i know, right? a freaking boy? i'm a loser. winkety wink.) i am trying to get my ass back into college. i touched on this plan in my new year's resolution post, and i asked people not to comment on it because it's "a personal decision." dude, that's bullshit. the reason i didn't (and maybe still don't) want any comments is because i'm embarrassed. i'm embarrassed to be 25 (and a half) years old and have nothing to show for my professional semi-adulthood but a string of office jobs that do nothing but bore and age me. nothing against office jobs, of course. but the office jobs i've had have been particularly heinous and not nearly worthy of my melissa-ness. (i don't even care if that makes me sound like a little shit. i feel like it's the god's honest truth.) i took a break from school after my sophomore year, and i'm convinced even now that that was a necessary course of action for me. i totally took for granted the opportunities generously laid in my lap, and i fully support the decision to take a step back and grow up a little before completely destroying myself with parties and alcohol and frat boys. but i've let this hiatus last for six years. SIX YEARS. unacceptable. and yes, i've met great people and been great places and learned great lessons that i wouldn't have if i had stayed on track, but the time for wasting away my twenties is over. and i'm doing my damnedest to remedy some of the maybe-poor decisions i have made. it's going to be a bit more complicated for me than it might be for someone else to get back in the game because of certain (hopefully fixable) mitigating circumstances, but i'm going for it anyway. so, comment away, if you like. i'm putting no restrictions on this one. :)

so, like i said, upheaval. i am making slow but sure progress to sloughing away what hasn't worked and diving into what will. keep your fingers crossed, friends 'o mine; it's feeling like a nine on the richter scale, and i'm not yet standing in the doorway for protection.