alive and well (mostly)

i spoke to my doctor this morning and i DO NOT HAVE lymphoma or anything even close!!! wooo hooo!!! *deeeep breath and a HUGE sigh of relief* what i do have is something called sarcoidosis, which i semi-suspected after both my GP and my pulmonologist mentioned it. it is an autoimmune deficiency that may or may not be a part of the rest of my life. after i got off the phone with the doctor i immediately googled it and checked webMD which had me pretty much shit-scared for a little bit; there are some not so nice things that might go along with this diagnosis. but i pulled myself away because, you know what? i'm going to be fine. and until i can sit down with my doctor and talk to him about what's going to happen to me, there is no sense in focusing on the worst-case senario like i've been doing since this whole thing started. so, i have to go to the hospital on monday afternoon to get some blood work done and take a more intensive breathing test to see what happens next. and until then, i'm just going to be relieved because even if it's bad, it could've been ten times (maybe twenty!) worse. a lot of you have left the sweetest comments and some have called and couple have listened to me cry and panic and i want to really really really thank all of you. seriously. most of the time i feel like i'm tough as shit, but even batman had some back-up, right? : ) thanks and i love you. i'll keep you posted. HOORAY!!!!!!!