Wednesday, August 26, 2009
exposed vulnerabilities
sometimes, when i am in a relationship, i become certifiably insane. and this time is no different, not in that regard. but the complications added this time, the distance and the feeling, make me feel like perhaps i am ready to be fitted for a straight jacket. if he was here, if i was there, if i didn't think about him the way that i do, if i didn't wonder if maybe... then i could keep the crazy at bay, let it out in little spurts. but these days it seems that this particular brand of bananas can't sit on the shelf for any extended period of time. it crops up almost daily. and it's nerve-wracking. i am a girl who's used to solving problems with hugs and kisses (you know, after i've done some yelling and stomping of the feet), and forcing me to use my words (even though it seems i have them all at my disposal) can backfire. i don't say what i mean, or i don't say enough (shocking, right?), or when i get all of what i want to say out i feel foolish for having been bothered by whatever behavior it was in the first place. since we are so far away, i spend too much time rolling over situations in my head and wondering whether i am pissed off or if i am merely annoyed. and i can't help but wonder if it would be any different if we could hug it out when we need to. or, more accurately, when i need to. and he's really great, maybe the greatest (don't you dare tell him i said that). but he drives me crazy. or is it me that's driving me crazy? i just need some contact. more than what i'm getting, you know? real skin to skin. but even if i had it, would all of this nuts-o behavior disappear? when do you let it go? when do you relax? when do you give the guy a break (because of course he deserves it)? when do you settle into it and stop panicking every time something doesn't go the way it's supposed to, or the way you imagine it's supposed to? i'm not sure there are any answers. besides maybe deep breaths. and vodka. ;)
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12 comments:
I am going with the vodka solution...ha!
i love the way you write. bananas. mmmm. long distance is hard and rewarding all together. why can't our worlds be the perfect bubbles that we so deserve?
Giiiiirrrrrrrl, I srsly don't know how you're handling this long distance thing AT ALL. I'd be going effing nuts myself. Alls I know is that communication is key to any sort of relationship and it's even more important in your case. Make sure you say what you mean and make sure you get it ALL out. Hopefully he will do the same. I want to bring in Tim Gunn now, Make it work. LOL
dude. i wish i had some good advice for you! no doubt that the distance and such AMPLIFIES the hell all of those feelings. it's got to be really hard.
the downside- or maybe why you like me because i am also crazy - is that this happens to me too. i go through a lot of that stuff and we have been together for like 8 years! sooo, all i can say is keep working at it and it will either start to get better or it won't. and either way, that tells you what you need to know. good luck sugarplum!
ahhh poor peg. Long distance=sucky suck big time and I totally get you in the nedding some contact. Just know that I'm thinking about you and that I love you and that I plan on solving all your problems when you come to Tulsa in 2 weeks (vodka will be involved!)
having had a long distance relationship...I know. It's crazysauce hard. CRAZY. And the whole not being able to read body language makes fights that should be 2 hours go on for 2 days... I wish it was easier... I wish I wish. The only thing that made me better was always having our next trip planned if not booked...before we left each other during each visit... Just some advice. But I know it's a difficult sitch, lady. And I dont envy you.
you are so good. i am obsessed with this post. i am 100% jealous of the way you write - i wish i could express myself so clearly.
...long distance relationships ARE sucky. hopefully the x's and o's from the boy will be there before you know it.
B-b-b-busted. Guess who is reading your blog NOW!
Any if you are so in love with me you should just come out and say it.
Think about a designer label that makes bags, jeans, beer, and cigarettes. All of which you can look at on the pages of Vogue, W, People and worn by models and actresses...
Now think of knock off products such as bags, jeans, beer, and cigerettes... used, worn, drank, and smoked by everyday people..
The knockoff is easily obtainable and you can touch it.. however the designer lable that is just out of reach is always going to be more appealing.
I'm sad that you aren't getting the hugs and kisses that you need but if you think about it in the long run if this relationship were local the fire would have been replaced with comfort by now.. Both do the trick but you only experiance the butterflies for so long when there is some bastard named reality following your dream guy around with a net.
Vodka...
No advice, sorry. I feel all those things and I've lived with my guy for 11 years. Oh, but I really AM crazy and he knows it and stays here anyway.
I'd go for the vodka or wine, even.
And lots of books.
I've been going bananas for the past 2 weeks Melissa. It's not cool to not have control over yourself. I always prided myself on self-control.....but then the monster comes out, and there's nothing I can do.
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