happy fat tuesday

ah, lent. lent scares me. my roommates and i were trying to decide last night what to give up for forty WHOLE days (it's forty, yeah?). as i was running through a mental list of all my varied, ridiculous vices, i couldn't think of one i really wanted to give up. what does that say? that i like being a mess? that i am incapable of a challenge? maybe it just says i like the way i roll and i'm not even catholic so who really cares. anyhow, i am all about some celebrating so fat tuesday is a tradition i can get behind, religious affiliation aside. if anyone needs me i'll probably be nursing a beer before i even have dinner. how are you celebrating?

guess who's not as dumb as they look?

i'll give you one hint: it's me!!! i figured out how to put a picture on my blog! I AM A FREAKING GENIUS, NOT A DOUCHEBAG! hooray for melissa. hooray indeed. this is from last night, and that's me laughing out of control at my girl callie doing the patented melissa haney "wow face." it looks like two 3s and an open mouth, but it's much more than that.

this is how we do it

so a bunch of us went to the saucer last night and got, well, sauced. the ridiculous things that happened last night include, but are not limited to, the following (kat! check it out! i'm making a list!):
a) some strange guy was taking pics of our little group on his cell phone and tatum and i flipped out and got him officially ejected from a public place.
b) a man who was 100 years old if he was a day, clad in jeans and a women's size xs shirt, shook his ass all up around our table to varying degrees of discomfort before he, too, was asked to cool out.
c) the semi-talented, somewhat-attractive guitar player turned out to be a wookie. that's how tall he was. seriously, he was huge.
d) like an idiot, after many beers and at the insistence of my friends who wish i was a show pony, i wrote my name and phone number on a dollar and put it in the tip jar for said wishy-washy guitarist. (good god what was i thinking....)
e) we definitely got pulled over and slade definitely passed a breathlyzer (sp?) and we definitely all bow at the feet of karma.
f) said fool guitarist ended up calling. wow. UNbelievable.
g) i woke up this morning (it was barely still morning) like i wake up most saturdays: laughing my ass off because i had a f*cking BLAST last night. : )
this is my official shout out to everyone who came out last night---it was a riot and you guys are awesome. don't be a stranger now. peace.

wtf, cupid?

where's my sweetheart, you jackass? we're having potluck in the office today and the whole room smells like brownies. and all i had to bring was soda. yessssssssss. happy vd. hope none of you gets one.

jesus h. haney

my little tater tot turned 23 on saturday. she's growing up so damn fast. she and i watched the grammys (it's not grammies, is it?) together on sunday night and, being that it was the most boring awards show of all time, we decided to finally compile a list of things that have happened to us that belong in a movie to be written later. exhibit a: we recently agreed that work and school would go much more smoothly if the weekend was in the middle. you know, start work on wednesday. have saturday and sunday off as usual, and then go back to work for monday and tuesday. we had a plan. i was about to start a letter writing campaign. after about 2 full minutes we looked at each with the same realization: that's dumb because the week would still be structured exactly the same. i understand that this may be stupid-sounding, but believe you me, we were in tears we were laughing so hard. yikes. happy birthday for the whole month, little girl. you're awesome.

ode to my womb-mate

all right, meg, here's your post, hot stuff. my sister megan may be the coolest person on the whole damn planet (after me, of course). we've been sisters for a lot of years now, and i can't say that anyone else i've ever known could hold even a birthday candle to the notorious m.e.g.
dude, remember that room at that nasty holiday inn in orlando and no one spoke english and we couldn't stop crying? that's what i'm talking about. so, potential commenters, please show some love. she's the shit. and no one knows that more than me.

p.s. R.I.P. anna nicole. we hardly knew ye.

all my friends know the low rider

happy belated birthday to my roommate dusty!!! tater tot made him a chocolate cake with dinosaurs on it to celebrate. i plan to celebrate by finishing the cake while all my house mates are out of town. so, check it: it's girls' night and that included some skeezers (yeah, we finished it. do somethin.) and some beers. yummo. girls' night also included an entertaining, although slightly cryptic, epidode of grey's. what was up with that little girl? was she sent to seattle to kill meredith? oh please, oh please, oh please writers of hospital drama, make my dreams come true. kill off meredith and call it hot plastic surgeon's anatomy. iye iye iye for real! jenny and sarah, come back to little rock. right now. holla back.