ready for love

all of the above is mere hours away. laugh all you want. baby's ready. that is all. (except to say that i will definitely not be making all future posts about antm.) (probably.) (sorry if you're bored.)

life in high def

"i am a doucherocket."


"i am the answer to every question."

i'm glad the bachelor is over. i wasn't exactly embarrassed to admit i watched it, but i wasn't writing home to my mama about it, you know? that guy is a dick. and now the whole nation knows it. good work, abc.

tyra's back tomorrow. t minus thirty-four hours until the top model premiere. i cannot convey in plain text what this does for my heart.

no news is good news. and i obviously have no news. holla. xo.

p.s. when i'm making my posts now, the pictures don't show up, the htmls do. so i can't center words underneath pictures (clearly). i think this is taking away from things. help appreciated.

east I-40, 7:42am

so i left my house a little late this morning. not a big deal. it's friday. but since i haven't been tanning in a while, my face is starkly white without the make-up i didn't have time to put on a la casa. so i'm driving and applying blush at the same time, so as to appear less like casper and more like me. not a big deal. it's not like it was a seriously distracting application, like eyeliner. i look over to my right, and what do i see in the next lane? this guy in a pick-up with like three teeth in his whole head laughing at me. laughing at me. hmph. i like to think i wouldn't have laughed at him had i caught him putting in his dentures. i'm just sayin.

so it's the 27th of february. and february only has 28 days. you do the math. it's almost over, huh? although i have to say, boys and girls, this hasn't been a bad month for me. there's been a little shit, but there always is, you know? can't really blame ol' feb for that. i guess my bottom line on the subject is... BOOSH. boosh boosh boosh! one day and a wake-up until the month where sarah's baby arrives (i'm guessing...), st. patrick's day, spring break (although i don't get one), warmer weather, and who knows? maybe a road trip or two. bring it on. see you on sunday, march.

forty (long) days and nights

so i'm taking the plunge and i'm giving up beer for lent. i know, i know, you don't think i'll be able to do it. well, i'm here to tell ya, i WILL. there is still red wine, there is always vodka. i think this is going to be a fun little experiment. this comes, of course, with a couple of stipulations. for example, i will NOT be ordering mixed drinks at a couple of specific bars that make them real shitty-like. also, i have a vacation planned before easter and i will probably have a couple beers then. hey, it doesn't count if you're on vacation, right? so, buckle up, friends. let's watch my waistline whittle together, shall we?

p.s. additionally i'm giving up soda, which is no big deal cause i don't drink that much of it anyway. but i've been drinking A LOT of coke lately and i need to knock it off.

p.s.s. today starts the officially countdown: one week until antm!!! are we still having a watch party? where? do you want to get dinner first? i'll bring the wine... ;)

like a cracked-out oprah

blow it up to get the full effect. (that's what she said.)

i've been going through the archives of toothpaste for dinner, natalie dee, married to the sea, and superpoop for about an hour now. please don't tell on me. while we're on the subject of keeping secrets, it would be GREAT if the following could be kept between us:
*i had TWO cokes at lunch today. real ones. oops.
*my hair is dirty enough that it might stay in this ponytail without the elastic.
*when i remembered that the bachelor is on tonight, i yelped out loud.
*the guy is away for a week with little to no contact and i might be kind of a little bit sort of frowny-faced about it.
*i pretended to be on the phone when someone i don't particularly like walked into my office today so that someone else would have to deal with him.

this has been another episode of SHHH! please join us next week when our topic will be "blogging at work instead of filing."

reader be warned

sometimes, i am in a BAD FUCKING MOOD. i like to think of myself as a pretty optimistic girl, and i like to think that my smile to frown ratio is better than most. HOWEVER, there are days, like today, when i am frustrated and, let's not mince words here, just FUCKING PISSED OFF. without naming names or getting too specific, i am listing some of what is chapping my ass right now.
1. when you say you are going to call me, then please call me. i am worried and aggravated when you don't.
2. i don't ask for many favors. when i do, it's because something is important to me and i can't make it happen by myself. please don't make me beg. i don't make you beg, do i?
3. it hurts my feelings and makes me terribly insecure when you act like i am overreacting. i am a chronic overreactor, and i know what it feels like. in this case, person i'm talking to? i am NOT overreacting.
4. do not call me "honey," "babe," "sweetie," or anything like it unless you are a close friend, a boyfriend, or a relative.
and finally,
5. please do not feel the need to comment on this blog if you are put off by its negativity. everyone gets pissed off once in a while. and you know what? i'd rather blow off steam here than anywhere else. i made this m*therf*cker. i'll use it how i want.
*sigh*
okay, i am owning this shit mood, and i will get over it, guaranteed. i always do. it was either post about it, or scream for two solid minutes. i don't want anyone to call 911, so i'm utilizing my alternative.
ONCE AGAIN, i will make a note here that says that if you're reading this, i'm probably not talking about you. i am certainly sometimes passive aggressive, but not cruelly so.

crap crap crap

so, despite my best efforts, i will be in town this weekend. do you wanna come over? or do you wanna go out? 'cause we're doing something. and you'd better be there. xo