new kids on the block

so check it, i added two new links: one for chandle and the other for carrie. i do not know either of these girls but they both leave comments from time to time and i dig it. and since jessica's back from alaska and the conway parks bill passed months ago, it's time for some freshening up in the link area. so out with the old. done and done. i was going to add both of their pictures here but for some reason chandle's is not working out. what in the hell. anywho, there they are so check them out. very interesting, the both of them. : )
yo yo yo it's the last day of august. which means the official birthday countdown starts tomorrow. come on down, 24. baby's ready to get old!

i'm wondering...

about what kind of impression i make on people. last night we went out to trivia night and had a blast (i actually knew some answers! mark your calendars!). and since i didn't have to drive for the first time in a long time, i got a little silly. okay, a lot silly. and i was just so pleased with the company and the food and the activities that i was at about an 11 on the lovey-dovey scale. telling tatum i love her like a billion times? check. hugging jessica and telling her how much i missed her while she was in alaska all night? check. hugs and kisses for everyone (and i mean damn near EVERYONE)? check. don't get it twisted; i am bothered by none of this. i am a people person and i'm very touch-touch-touchy with folks and i don't mind a bit when people are the same way with me (mostly.... i'm talking to you, creepy fax guy). and usually i don't give this behavior a second thought. but what if someone doesn't like it? and what if they're not telling me? uh oh. so let me know right? cause i can keep myself to myself if it's not okay. : )

harder better faster stronger

1) oh jeez i had a blast at dock night. i did not feel self-conscious in my bathing suit (but it was pitch-black... he he he), i found out i can rap even when i'm not 100% awake (or sober), and the leaf is officially turned over.
2) i'm back to kicking total ass at work. you can't handle me, cubicle. don't even try.
3) birthday is only 22 days away. and 22 is my favorite number. and birthday is my favorite day.
4) kanye west's new cd comes out on the 11th. that ain't far, folks. and I. AM. READY.
5) august aka hottest month EVER is coming to a close. and september smells like freshly-sharpened pencils, chocolate cake with buttercream icing, and temperatures less than 100 degrees.
6) i haven't got much else to say. EXCEPT....
7) let's hang out soon. i haven't seen some of you in far too long. you know, we've got a three-day weekend coming...

i'm ready i'm ready i'm ready

that, friends, is bull shoals lake. and that, friends, is where i'm going. and that, friends, is where i need to be. in regards to my last post: um, what the hell, melissa. i should know better than to drink and blog. ***sidenote: how sad is it that while drinking tuesday night, the most interesting thing i could think to do was update my blog? i mean really. i should've been out setting things on fire. okay maybe something a little less intense but still. my lame ass was blogging. PAthetic. moving on. so it's been a summer of squalor for me and it's time to get down to business. i've let negative thoughts and bad behavior set the tone for me in past months and that, friends, is no way to be. so it really is new leaf time. and i'm kicking it off tonight by dyeing my hair darker. only semi-permanent dye, of course (i am such a chickensh*t), but i'm dyeing it nonetheless. darker hair will hopefully mean i take myself more seriously. should be interesting... and tomorrow i'm going to the home of the mountains. i get to spend some much-needed quality time with heather. i get to see my sister's darling face and introduce her to something i look forward to every year: dock night, bitches. if you need me on saturday night, don't bother calling. i'll be on the lake, drinking beers, floating on a noodle, and laughing my ass for no reason besides that it feels good. i need it. it's time. it's a perfect way to end months of debauchery and i don't do yoga so dock night is my "om." i'm ready to get back to me. focus focus focus.

and this is the truth

the only reason i have the urge to write any of this is because i've been drinking. i've been drinking a lot. yes, mom, i know; i've been engaging in that particular activity in excess as of late. i'm sorry and i'll try to do better. that being said, i'm tipsy and i have this much to say: we have nothing more to do in this world than to learn to trust ourselves. follow your gut, and then listen to your head. not the other way around. believe what you see, not what you wish was true. i know instantly what is in front of me before i think for one second, yet somehow i allow myself to ignore the simple facts and i complicate everything to the point of complete chaos. it's proven too much for me to handle and so this is me turning over a new leaf. listen to yourself melissa. trust that what you see is exactly what is there and have faith in your intuition. it's been right so far.

ugh jeez maaaaan

it's friday and i am COMPLETELY unmotivated to work. so i'm blogging. there's a big surprise. sabra won sytycd and i had been drinking so i was almost moved to tears. she totally deserved it and lacey was a hack so good riddance. i must make time this weekend to sleep. jesus i need it. also must make time for drinking... although i'm afraid i've been doing more than my share of that lately. after i made that fuss about the meteor shower last week, i effing missed it. what was i doing? i have no idea. i just missed it. not smoking is getting harder and not easier. i moved passed my replacement therapy and am no longer eating five snickers bars a day (which is GREAT news for my self-esteem) and so now i'm just thinking about cigarettes more. must maintain. true confession: i had one today. i did not enjoy it. but i did want it. so there. don't worry; no slip-sliding into a haze of smoke. i've come too far to go back (plus my lungs are begging me right now not to do that again). and while on the subject of smoking, i'd like to give a big A+ to my dad for quitting this summer, too. he did it the same way i did, and i am SOOOO proud as he has smoked for like 45 years or something. congrats, daddy! i don't think he reads this. it's probably better if he doesn't.... there are some things maybe you don't want your dad to know about you.... : ) also big ups to kat for quitting too. baby's so pleased! and now i won't be able to bum the occasional marlboro light from you and that is GOOD news for me. all right i'm just rambling at this point. i hope everyone has a great weekend. travel safely if you're leaving, and call me if you're not. : ) holla back.

dear summer,

listen, i know i said i was ready for this, but now i know i'm not. i hoped and i waited for you to get here, and when you finally showed up everything was better. flip flops, sunglasses, late sunsets... we had fun, didn't we? but now i think that maybe i'm in over my head. i find myself starting to resent you. and that's not fair to either of us. lately i just feel like you're putting too much pressure me. i mean, i can't even stand outside for 5 minutes without breaking into a sweat. what's changed, and why? no, don't answer. it doesn't matter. let's just call this what it is: too much of a good thing. please don't cry; this is only temporary. and if you'll have me, i'm sure that there'll come a time when i'm begging you to come back. but for now, i think it's time you left. i'll never forget you.
love always,
melissa