it looks a little different at 25

my mommy and sister and i watched "a charlie brown christmas" yesterday, getting into the spirit of the season and eating our weight in spinach dip. i remember loving that movie (is it a movie? it's only 20 minutes long...) when i was a kid, but now, the only thing i could think when it was over is this: charlie brown may be the saddest mo-fo of all time. that poor kid! lucy's skanky friend violet actually uttered the words, "try to do something right for once in your life, charlie brown." merry effing christmas, right?

the duggars:

perpetuating the stereotype that all arkansans are crazy rednecks since 1988.

we should be so lucky

two gay dude penguins in a zoo were caught stealing other penguins' babies and trying to father them. so the zoo officials moved them away from everyone else and gave them two little babies of their own to raise and they are, apparently, the best parents of all the penguins.
no, they are not humans, but yes, they are an example. i've never had two parents of the same sex but i have to believe that most people would agree with me when i say i'd rather have two dads than no dad at all.
i am, of course, simplifying the issue. that's what i do, so before you even start with me, don't. i'm talking to you. no, not you... YOU. take a hike, yeah?

p.s. i plucked my eyebrows last night and i'm back to lookin' suuuuper fly.

not a funk, per se...

i spent five hours on the interstate last night between my house and the airport. under normal conditions, this is roughly a forty-minute excursion. thank you, arkansas highway transportation department, for taking SUCH good care of the roads (insert sarcastic eye roll). thank you, cranky and dangerous commuters, for your SUPER FUN antics and blood pressure-raising maneuvers. thank you, full bladder that i should've emptied before departing, for swelling to the size of a basketball and making me seriously consider wearing depends.

things i have done:
secured the safe arrival of both mama and sister
re-scheduled a much-needed haircut twice
planned a small (but exciting!) vacation

things i have not done:
bought a single christmas present
plucked my eyebrows in the last week
wished anyone, anywhere, happy holidays

ooooopsy daisy...

what i was trying to say...

http://www.slate.com/id/2206445/pagenum/all/

priority check

so have you seen all the stories in the news about barack obama being a smoker? it seems as though every news outlet in the u.s. (including, but not limited to, the chicago tribune, abc news, the washington post, fox news [of course] and cnFREAKINGn) has jumped on this "story" and driven it into the damn ground, securing a promise from the future PRESIDENT OF OUR COUNTRY that he won't smoke after he takes office. um, am i alone here? or is this the most NON-RELEVANT ISSUE EVER? who gives a shit if the man likes his marlboros?!? yes, smoking is bad. yes, big tobacco is bad. yes, we all fight our little wars with cigarettes from time to time. but he's about to be the LEADER OF THE FREE WORLD for chrissakes. SURELY there are more pressing things one would like to discuss with the man who's about to take over our economical, educational, and social policies... SURELY. so... is it just me? or is this kiiiind of a bunch of bullshit?

time to intervene

i swear to god, if i don't start waking up before 6:30 every day, my co-workers are literally going to have to install a shower head at work for me. i am yucko to the max.