Tuesday, January 26, 2010

head games

my real self has taken a short hiatus and left in her place a pale comparison. and in this new person's skin, i am feeling anxious, poor, unattractive, lazy, boring, hyper-emotional, and disconnected. clearly, i am none of these things. well, except poor and i guess kind of lazy. and anxious sometimes... okay whatever. maybe i am some of these things some of the time but i am certainly not all of these things all of the time. i'm not doing things like i normally do. i'm avoiding calls. i'm crying some days. i'm really really really stressed out and not that psyched to admit it but sure that i'll explode if i don't. all of this, i'm sure, centers around the fact that i'm saying goodbye to most of what i know to be familiar in approximately six weeks. i'm leaving it for something different, something i'm sure is better for me in some ways and worse for me in others. and, in typical me fashion, i've left all the work for the last minute. there is no point to any of this, and i expect no sympathy or sweetness from anyone. because this feeling, i'm sure, is temporary, and in less than two months none of what is bothering me now will bother me any further. not the concrete concerns, anyway. just needed to write it down, you know?

5 comments:

Big Mike said...

The old self, the new self, and any other self is ok in my book. You knew you were going to worry. You know that the worries will vanish in a short time. Until then, stay the course, pretty lady.

miya said...

you are one of the most put-together people i know...and you will absolutely be ok.

just think, best of the best, me and you and disneyland!

Irish Gumbo said...

All you need to do is be okay in the Now, 'cause soon the Future will be the Now which will turn into the Then, and it will all be okay! Capiche?

Don't forget to breathe, my dear :)

katandkarl said...

you will be glad you wrote it down. promise. it's real and an honest portrayal of your life right now.

let's get drunk soon and solve all the world's problems.

Eleise said...

Not to toot my own horn, But I think you need some weesie time! :)