new year, new image

so i saw this little activity on someone else's blog, thought it was hilarious, and decided to give it a shot. there are like 25 survey questions (your first pet, your hobby, etc) and you go to google images, type in the word/your answer, and then post the first picture that comes up. well 25 would've taken up too much space, so i decided to just do my first, middle, and last names. and the results are HILARIOUS. : )
first google image for "melissa":
this girl has 1.14 ounces of fat on her body. i'm just guessing, but i can't be too far off.
first google image for "margaret":
this is what i look like when i'm in my underwear, i swear to god. : )
first google image for "haney":
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!! very rarely do i use the phrase "lol," but i can't think of anything that i could say here that would be more appropriate. i literally lol-ed when i saw this. as a matter of fact, i loljfheaofeinvao-ed. you can just get creative with regards to what those other letters mean. i laughed until i cried. i may or may not be related to this guy.

p.s. resolutions tomorrow... i still need to think about them. happy new year's eve, duckies. be safe, have fun, love love. xo

um, oops

so i maybe might have a little bit overdone it just a smidge with yesterday's post. i told myself i wouldn't lash out on the ol' blog after that crackhead was being such a jerk on a previous entry of mine, but yesterday was like the perfect storm of online aggravation. eh, such is life. i'm over it. : )
the holiday season was quite busy in central arkansas, that's for sure. my mom was in town for a week and so i spent quite a bit of time with her and megs, then i had two days to cram in all (that's right, ALL) of my christmas shopping between working and catching up with folks in for the holidays, then i went to my dad's for a few days and ate, drank, and was generally merry. he's moving so we spent a pretty good deal of time sorting through an exorbitant amount of our things that have accumulated at his house over the years. fun? kind of. exhausting? totally. then saturday night i had a little mini-reunion with my pledge sisters from the sorority i was in for about five minutes, which was a little strange but mostly awesome. i got yelled at by some trashy skank at this bar in russellville, which is always a night-maker. and now... *sigh* now i'm just back at work, trying to catch up on sleep at home(it will never happen), and waiting for warmer weather.
it sounds like you all had fantastic christmases and i'm very glad for it. i'm not sorry that i boiled over like a pot of crazy-time tea in yesterday's post, but i will say that i will keep the outbursts to a minimum... at least i will on the blog. : ) xo

bitches, UGH

seriously, i've been noticing lately that there are some hateful bitches in the blogosphere. whether or not their tacky shit is inadvertant, it would be really fucking awesome if people would just learn how to LOCK IT UP. you know when you're little and your mama says, "if you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all"? SHE WASN'T FUCKING AROUND. from anonymous bullies to "friends" leaving shit comments, this crap is seriously getting old. ugh. grow up.

so here it is

this is my merry christmas post... so... merry christmas, kids. : ) hope you get everything you asked for from santa. if you're traveling, be safe. i love you all, love your families, and will be sending christmas-y good vibes to you and yours in the coming days. love love.

it looks a little different at 25

my mommy and sister and i watched "a charlie brown christmas" yesterday, getting into the spirit of the season and eating our weight in spinach dip. i remember loving that movie (is it a movie? it's only 20 minutes long...) when i was a kid, but now, the only thing i could think when it was over is this: charlie brown may be the saddest mo-fo of all time. that poor kid! lucy's skanky friend violet actually uttered the words, "try to do something right for once in your life, charlie brown." merry effing christmas, right?

the duggars:

perpetuating the stereotype that all arkansans are crazy rednecks since 1988.

we should be so lucky

two gay dude penguins in a zoo were caught stealing other penguins' babies and trying to father them. so the zoo officials moved them away from everyone else and gave them two little babies of their own to raise and they are, apparently, the best parents of all the penguins.
no, they are not humans, but yes, they are an example. i've never had two parents of the same sex but i have to believe that most people would agree with me when i say i'd rather have two dads than no dad at all.
i am, of course, simplifying the issue. that's what i do, so before you even start with me, don't. i'm talking to you. no, not you... YOU. take a hike, yeah?

p.s. i plucked my eyebrows last night and i'm back to lookin' suuuuper fly.

not a funk, per se...

i spent five hours on the interstate last night between my house and the airport. under normal conditions, this is roughly a forty-minute excursion. thank you, arkansas highway transportation department, for taking SUCH good care of the roads (insert sarcastic eye roll). thank you, cranky and dangerous commuters, for your SUPER FUN antics and blood pressure-raising maneuvers. thank you, full bladder that i should've emptied before departing, for swelling to the size of a basketball and making me seriously consider wearing depends.

things i have done:
secured the safe arrival of both mama and sister
re-scheduled a much-needed haircut twice
planned a small (but exciting!) vacation

things i have not done:
bought a single christmas present
plucked my eyebrows in the last week
wished anyone, anywhere, happy holidays

ooooopsy daisy...

what i was trying to say...

http://www.slate.com/id/2206445/pagenum/all/

priority check

so have you seen all the stories in the news about barack obama being a smoker? it seems as though every news outlet in the u.s. (including, but not limited to, the chicago tribune, abc news, the washington post, fox news [of course] and cnFREAKINGn) has jumped on this "story" and driven it into the damn ground, securing a promise from the future PRESIDENT OF OUR COUNTRY that he won't smoke after he takes office. um, am i alone here? or is this the most NON-RELEVANT ISSUE EVER? who gives a shit if the man likes his marlboros?!? yes, smoking is bad. yes, big tobacco is bad. yes, we all fight our little wars with cigarettes from time to time. but he's about to be the LEADER OF THE FREE WORLD for chrissakes. SURELY there are more pressing things one would like to discuss with the man who's about to take over our economical, educational, and social policies... SURELY. so... is it just me? or is this kiiiind of a bunch of bullshit?

time to intervene

i swear to god, if i don't start waking up before 6:30 every day, my co-workers are literally going to have to install a shower head at work for me. i am yucko to the max.

yo yo yo

it's post-thanksgiving. i have no pictures for you. you know what i do have? lots of L-O-V-E for all you bitches and hos. : ) xoxox

i'll holla soon... when i have interesting things to say.

this is what it looks like...

my new addiction

see more pwn and owned pictures

please note

it is my birthday. and it is megan's birthday. and we are all very excited to be turning twenty-five. the above picture represents all that is the word "birthday" in my mind. i'm at work, so i must restrain my intense jubilation for fear of losing my job as a result of being a total jackass. but please believe that, at 5pm, i will be every cliched birthday idiot image all rolled into one for the duration of the weekend. thank you for your attention, and good day.

cumpleanos a todos!

happy birthday to THIS GIRL RIGHT HERE: my homegirl b-rooke. we are cute to the max in this photo, that is for true. additionally, it is t minus seven days until MY birthday, and oh. holy. SHIT. i am jazzed. come help me blow out the candles. it will be quite the event. : ) happy friday!

fuck yeah

mama's having a fabulous day. no particular reason; just fabulosity everywhere. new job? fabulous. roommates? fabulous. family and friends? fabulous. weekend plans? fabulous. boys? fabulous. EVERYTHING IS FABULOUS. plus, the sox beat the yankees two games out of three, which, if you recall, ain't bad according to your pal and mine, meatloaf. okay, gotta scoot. i have more places at which to be my fabulous self. hollaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!

this is what it's come to

am i only blogging surveys now? yes indeed, i am.
IF I WERE AN ANIMAL, i'd be a giraffe.
IF I WERE A MOVIE, i'd be the breakfast club.
IF I WERE A FOOD, i'd be a peanut butter and honey sandwich.
IF I WERE A TV CHARACTER, i'd be jim from the office.
IF I WERE A PIECE OF CLOTHING, i'd be flip flops.
IF I WERE A DAY OF THE WEEK, i'd be friday night.
IF I WERE A HOLIDAY, i'd be thanksgiving.
IF I WERE A PIECE OF FURNITURE, i'd be a porch swing.
IF I WERE A COLOR, i'd be tangerine.
IF I WERE A U.S. CITY, i'd be toronto.
i am a lame ass. even jenny is blogging more than me, and that girl is a blogging ghost. : ) hope you're all well. love love looooove.

eight eight oh eight

neat-o toledo. i love palindromes. i may be getting a job soon. bye bye summer, hello financial security. how are you doing?

obligatory post

jackie tagged me, and she's right, i haven't blogged in a while. i'm so obsessed with reading all of yours that i neglect my own. no one's perfect, right? : ) okay, six quirky things about me:
1) i'm terrified of birds. i wasn't always so scared, but ever since i had to scoop up a dead bird on my back porch when i was 16, i have not been the same. yeesh.
2) ever since i was a little kid, i have been a habitual finger-crosser. i cross my fingers all the time when i'm thinking of something i want to happen or something i need to remember. the beauty of it is, the next time i cross my fingers, i always remember whatever it was. who needs post its? : )
3) i don't sweat under my arms. i can't explain this. i sweat everywhere else that humans are supposed to. this may or may not be a disease. ???
4) nothing drives me crazier than when people scrape their teeth on forks. GOOD GOD. the sound makes the fillings in my teeth hurt.
5) i'm almost 25 and completely direction-less. i'm not sure if this qualifies as quirky, but there it is. : )
and finally, get ready to be grossed out,
6) i make myself puke if i've had to much to drink. i've never been hungover in my lifetime (knock on wood) and i think this is why: when i get to the point where the room is spinning and i can't fall asleep, i will induce vomiting. i know that's disgusting but i would much rather puke when i'm wasted than puke the next morning.
so there you have it.
i will tag...
heather
kat
brooke and
elizabeth
later gators. : )

oh good lord

i'm crabby and impatient and very sensitive the last few days. i'm doing my best to keep it under control, but i'll admit that there have been a couple occasions where i have just been a flat-out bitch. sorry, roommates. sorry, sister. sorry, friends. and sorry if you haven't heard from me... i'm hiding out until i can get in a better mood. love love.

dear solitude

i love having rommates (most of the time), and i couldn't have hand-picked three better. but slade won't be home until tonight, and tatum tomorrow, and dusty some time after that, which leaves me allll alone for now. and, oh boy, am i loving it. roommates, come home soon, but not too soon, you know? and, by the way,
happy father's day to my very favoritest daddy of all time. xox from your melissa-pie.

testing, testing

so i'm blogging. it feels strange. i'm still reading all of yours, and even though i'm sure you've given up on mine, i will write today anyway.
i was laid off from my job almost two weeks ago, which shocked and embarrassed me. but, things have worked out for the best, as they typically do. i am certainly a "sunny-side-up" kind of girl, and here i am, up here, on the sunny side. i will not talk about my potential next job that i am INSANELY interested in for fear of jinxing it. but i will say that i'm hoping to report very good news on that front shortly.
my personal life is, as always, up in the air. i'm falling in love every day lately. at kroger, or the post office, or at a stoplight, or in my head. and even though absolutely none of these love connections will come to fruition, it feels good anyway. it's summertime and i am feeling lovey-dovey enough to crush on strangers, but it's much too hot for cuddling so it's best that they are only daydreams.
i'll probably start blogging again. i have missed it, and i miss anyone reading it. call me soon, or come see me. hell, maybe i'll come see you.
holla holla.

b is for bachelorette

memphis. was. AWESOME. we had so much fun at eleise's bachelorette's weekend. so much fun, in fact, that i came home voiceless. and for someone who talks as much as i do, you can imagine how big an issue that was for me. : ) okay, no talkey. it's picture time!
weesy invited fourteen girls to this little soiree, and eleven showed. and with the weather the way it was, that was more than a good turn-out. here we all are outside of b.b. king's with some random memphis pimp. i don't think he was seriously selling girls for money, but maybe...
this is andre, the trolley driver. we're pretty much in love by now. check out that boa. : )
speaking of boas, a group of misbehaving girls wearing them will always get free shots. let me present exhibit a.
eleise looks way cuter with andre, don't you think?
and, finally, thanks to my five pic limit, here's the final shot. hey, lookey there. it's me. in a bar. shot glass in hand, and shouting at someone who is probably all the way across the room. imagine that. how totally unlike me...

aaaand we're back

i'm not going to make any apologies for not blogging. i do what i want when i want. so there. : ) but, here's a little pictorial walk through what i've been up to for, oh, the last month or so.
went to visit my daddy for the weekend not too long ago. i got to help out on the farm, feeding cattle and rolling hay off the back of the truck. in addition, i got to wear this BAD ASS carhartt suit thingy that my dad keeps lying around, just in case his favorite comes by to work. : )
this is a picture of the creek down the road from his house. i don't know when that torrential rain came, but that's about the time i went for a visit and the place was a WRECK. jeez louise.
then, my good friend brittney and i threw a wedding shower for our dearest darling, eleise. and, although hosting and planning is certainly not my forte, i think it came together quite nicely. her colors are black and white, with a splash of hot pink, so we naturally made it look like a pink crayon threw up in the room for decoration. i think she LOVED it. matter of fact, i know she did. : ) her wedding is in TWO WEEKS OMG.
this is eleise. she is the best, for real. she ate it up. we loves her to infinity and beyond.
i have more pictures from eleise's bachelorette weekend in memphis, but for some reason blogger is only letting me upload five pics per post. hmm... i probably have it set that way without knowing it. anyhow, i took the picture of tennessee welcoming us because it took FOREVER to get there. thanks, mother nature, for making the one weekend we're trying to go out the wintery-est weekend in recent memory. we ended up having a blast, and i'll post those pictures tomorrow.
the razorbacks lost today. i have nothing to say about that. hope you've all been having a good time of it. love love!

funny thing is...

i had a GREAT time with my mommy and my sister... until my car gave out in hammond, la and is now crying a million miles away for a new transmission. *sigh* i'm sorry, malibu. mama had to leave you behind and get home to the real world. but i'll be back. i don't know when or how, but we will reunite again. and just think, sugar plum, when we get you all fixed up, we'll be together for another five years, yeah? i love you. i miss you. we'll be together again soon.
in other news, new orleans was a blast. i couldn't have asked for more with mom and megs, and (outside of the car issues) it was p-p-p-p-perfect.
i went on a date tonight... it was quite nice. : )
hope you're all doing well. miss you. pictures soon. xoxo

OMG OMG OMG

megan's here, work is finished (as of 7:30pm... these long days are for the birds), laundry is in the dryer, prescription is picked up, bags are (sort of) packed, and now, at 8:43, i'm about to eat dinner and go to bed. ol megs and i are leaving bright and early on a road trip to new orleans to see our MOMMY who we miss so much. road trip road trip! i'm off work until tuesday, and it's just going to be me and my homegirls, drinkin in the french quarter. *sigh* holla holla, catch you guys on the flip flop! have a great weekend!

easily entertained

this made my freaking day. courtesy of megan e. haney. i literally laughed out loud for a solid three minutes every time i looked at this. peace out, fever and fatigue. i'm feeling better. thanks for all the well wishes, homies. i actually ate some food today. HELL YES. and as a short sidenote, if i was f*cking ben affleck, i'd broadcast it on the internet, too. : )

i have no excuses

i haven't been blogging. um, i'm sorry. but i'm still here, and i am enjoying everyone else's adventures in traveling, pregnancy, school, etc! so i'm home today. sick off my ASS. coughing sneezing fever freezing sweating headache. ugh. but i've been asleep most of the day, so i am probably getting better, thank GOD. i've got some things to catch you up on, so please look forward to pictures from the following events: trip to mtn. home to see my daddy, wedding shower i helped throw for my sweetheart eleise (first shower i've ever thrown!), and general around-the-house ridiculousness. miss you guys. hope everyone's doing well. : )

i am not sad...

...but i am frustrated. : ) and critics be damned (you know who you are), i'll say it anyway: happy valentine's day, from your (hopefully dear) friend melissa. xox

good love is on the way

ten days in, and i may be back to normal... mostly, anyway. february is turning into a month upon which i can depend for a new outlook. mama cass was right; the darkest hour is just before dawn. and i think i see the sun on the horizon, so for now, i'm in good shape. : )
today is tatum's birthday, and i love this pic of her and slade. they look so pretty, don't they? *sigh* big love for roommates, big love for birthdays, and HUGE love for tater.
so all the girls came to arkansas this weekend, and i'm so sorry that i didn't get to see you guys for a little longer, but it was quality time to be sure. and i'll see you all for st. patrick's, right? can't wait, can't wait, can't wait. i'll be all yours then, bitches. love love love.
but the BIG news this weekend is that meggers came to town for a sister-filled weekend, and it was just what the doctor ordered. 2008 has been nothing short of completely turbulent for us both and neither has ever needed our best friend more. thanks for visiting, sweetheart. no raindrops or teardrops when you are near.
hope everyone had a good weekend, and i'll leave you with my favorite quote right now, from edith wharton: "there are two ways of spreading light---to be the candle, or the mirror that reflects it."

all RIGHT already

i have had just. about. ENOUGH. i think i change, i think i am indifferent. but the fact is i don't, and i am not. and it takes so little to remind me that i haven't forgotten. it's the same old shit going around and around and around in my head and i need something new to chew on. i know this will make some of you frown and cringe but COME ON FEBRUARY. surely a new month will paint all of it a different color. january has worn me out. i was worried, sad, confused, excited, content, confused again, then excited a little more, then sad all over again, pissed the HELL off, and now i'm just exhausted. i am done with you, january. you and your 31 days of BULLSHIT. shoo, scram, hit the bricks.

happy anniversary, blog

one year ago today, i started this blog. i was at kat and karl's house on a very peculiar night when it all began. after numerous beers and some pretty strange company, i thought starting a blog was the best. idea. ever. whatever gave me that idea? i'm looking for somewhere to lay the blame... and look where we are now. : ) it's been funny, it's been boring, and it's been therapeutic. i hope you've enjoyed it as i have. happy birthday blog! i'd say "and many more," but i'm not sure if i mean it...
incidentally, the night i started this blog is the same night i met this girl:
you remember, sarah bug? happy anniversary to you, too. xox

i mean, think about it

so a woman that a friend of mine knows is looking for a surrogate mother. and she's offering some pretty insane financial compensation in exchange for growing her baby. and while i will probably (probably...) not have to ever worry about whether or not i'm able to do something like that for someone, it got me to thinking... how much would it take for me to consider carrying someone else's child? would the money be enough? would i get too attached? if i knew i was just cookin' it for someone else, could i give that gift? i mean, to ANYONE? what if (knock on wood) someone i really loved needed that from me? could i help? not should i, but could i? i don't know this woman, and it's definitely not something to which i need to give any more thought than this, but it just makes you wonder, you know? could you do it? would you?

mark your calendars

la la la i had a gooooood day! and that's pretty much all i've got right now. i'm not that dramatic (at least i don't think i am...), but i think we can all agree that it's been a bit dramatic. but if what goes up must come down, it's only fair to think the opposite would work the same way. worries, be gone. sure, they'll be back. but for now, holla holla holla, troubles of mine. see you on the flipside. : )

check it, toto

so i wrote this post not too long ago (and, as a sidenote, i would put a link to it on the word "here," all fancy like, but i have neither the smarts nor the energy to find someone with the smarts to do so. please continue.) about appreciating the tempo of my life, regardless of whether it can be described as rapid-fire or glacial. i wrote that then, when my life could be described as the latter, and i was secretly hoping things would pick up. well, here i am to tell you that your mother was RIGHT, ducklings: you must be careful what you wish for. jeeez louiiiise things are crazy right now. seriously, crazy. and if you and i talk on the phone more than once a month, then you know all about it. and if we don't, it's probably better that you don't ask, or care, for that matter. because being my friend right now, sadly, involves nursing me through damn near every day that goes by. i'm not self-reliant right now, i'm not head-held-high right now, i'm not as invested in anyone else's life as i should be right now. i am an attention hog and, unfortunately, it's necessary. so what i'm saying is (again, can i say what i mean in less words? ever? i could probably highlight several "heres" right about now.), friends, just bear with me. it'll all come out in the wash. it always does, and it always will. and i promise that sooner rather than later (please please please) i'll be boring again and i can be better. until then, thanks if you're sticking it out with me. : ) xoxo

human weeble wobble

i can't say much, but i can say this. and it's not really fine, but it probably will be. : )

for real, though

how many beers do you have to drink before you realize you've gained 65 lbs? one tear falls for having to buy fat pants.

www.arbitrarynews.com

thursday things:
1. i am, as stated, bored off my asssssssss, although
2. i have plenty that needs doing, so maybe my problem is
3. i'm unmotivated.
weeknights are too short lately. when did that happen? every single day lately, i can't believe it's already 11 or already midnight. then i oversleep, then i do not look cute, and the cycle continues. maybe it's just this time of year. i know some of you hate on february (and boy, do you!), but i see the year's shortest month as just one more stepping-stone to longer days. so i say, bring it on feb.
i just bought kate nash's new album. go pick it up. or, for the more tech saavy (i envy you), download the songs. is that what you do? anyhow, get it soon, one way or another. you'll love it. and if you don't, you can check "trying something new" off your list of resolutions.
ANNOUNCEMENT: come see me. if you're reading this, i miss you. you don't even have to call first... although i'd prefer it if you did. would it help if i said please?
p.s. in case you're wondering, we patched it up. of course we did. : )

jokers to the right

uh oh... trouble trouble trouble. do you ever get caught up in other people's problems, no matter how badly you try to stay out of it? yuck. i'm in a bit of a pickle, because if i get involved i'll probably screw it up even worse than it already is. but if i keep my mouth shut (i'm trying, i'm trying, i'm trying) then it's as though i don't care, and i do.
i got my own worries, now, chil'rens. don't muddy me up if it's none of my nevermind.

extra extra

these t-shirts will be available soon on cafepress.com, courtesy of my roommate slade and i, who had WAY too much fun watching the caucus tonight. i'm 100% arkansan, but mike huckabee? seriously? *sigh*
p.s. who besides me thinks keith olbermann is damn near the most attractive man over 40 ever?