new year, new image

so i saw this little activity on someone else's blog, thought it was hilarious, and decided to give it a shot. there are like 25 survey questions (your first pet, your hobby, etc) and you go to google images, type in the word/your answer, and then post the first picture that comes up. well 25 would've taken up too much space, so i decided to just do my first, middle, and last names. and the results are HILARIOUS. : )
first google image for "melissa":
this girl has 1.14 ounces of fat on her body. i'm just guessing, but i can't be too far off.
first google image for "margaret":
this is what i look like when i'm in my underwear, i swear to god. : )
first google image for "haney":
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!! very rarely do i use the phrase "lol," but i can't think of anything that i could say here that would be more appropriate. i literally lol-ed when i saw this. as a matter of fact, i loljfheaofeinvao-ed. you can just get creative with regards to what those other letters mean. i laughed until i cried. i may or may not be related to this guy.

p.s. resolutions tomorrow... i still need to think about them. happy new year's eve, duckies. be safe, have fun, love love. xo

um, oops

so i maybe might have a little bit overdone it just a smidge with yesterday's post. i told myself i wouldn't lash out on the ol' blog after that crackhead was being such a jerk on a previous entry of mine, but yesterday was like the perfect storm of online aggravation. eh, such is life. i'm over it. : )
the holiday season was quite busy in central arkansas, that's for sure. my mom was in town for a week and so i spent quite a bit of time with her and megs, then i had two days to cram in all (that's right, ALL) of my christmas shopping between working and catching up with folks in for the holidays, then i went to my dad's for a few days and ate, drank, and was generally merry. he's moving so we spent a pretty good deal of time sorting through an exorbitant amount of our things that have accumulated at his house over the years. fun? kind of. exhausting? totally. then saturday night i had a little mini-reunion with my pledge sisters from the sorority i was in for about five minutes, which was a little strange but mostly awesome. i got yelled at by some trashy skank at this bar in russellville, which is always a night-maker. and now... *sigh* now i'm just back at work, trying to catch up on sleep at home(it will never happen), and waiting for warmer weather.
it sounds like you all had fantastic christmases and i'm very glad for it. i'm not sorry that i boiled over like a pot of crazy-time tea in yesterday's post, but i will say that i will keep the outbursts to a minimum... at least i will on the blog. : ) xo

bitches, UGH

seriously, i've been noticing lately that there are some hateful bitches in the blogosphere. whether or not their tacky shit is inadvertant, it would be really fucking awesome if people would just learn how to LOCK IT UP. you know when you're little and your mama says, "if you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all"? SHE WASN'T FUCKING AROUND. from anonymous bullies to "friends" leaving shit comments, this crap is seriously getting old. ugh. grow up.

so here it is

this is my merry christmas post... so... merry christmas, kids. : ) hope you get everything you asked for from santa. if you're traveling, be safe. i love you all, love your families, and will be sending christmas-y good vibes to you and yours in the coming days. love love.

it looks a little different at 25

my mommy and sister and i watched "a charlie brown christmas" yesterday, getting into the spirit of the season and eating our weight in spinach dip. i remember loving that movie (is it a movie? it's only 20 minutes long...) when i was a kid, but now, the only thing i could think when it was over is this: charlie brown may be the saddest mo-fo of all time. that poor kid! lucy's skanky friend violet actually uttered the words, "try to do something right for once in your life, charlie brown." merry effing christmas, right?

the duggars:

perpetuating the stereotype that all arkansans are crazy rednecks since 1988.

we should be so lucky

two gay dude penguins in a zoo were caught stealing other penguins' babies and trying to father them. so the zoo officials moved them away from everyone else and gave them two little babies of their own to raise and they are, apparently, the best parents of all the penguins.
no, they are not humans, but yes, they are an example. i've never had two parents of the same sex but i have to believe that most people would agree with me when i say i'd rather have two dads than no dad at all.
i am, of course, simplifying the issue. that's what i do, so before you even start with me, don't. i'm talking to you. no, not you... YOU. take a hike, yeah?

p.s. i plucked my eyebrows last night and i'm back to lookin' suuuuper fly.

not a funk, per se...

i spent five hours on the interstate last night between my house and the airport. under normal conditions, this is roughly a forty-minute excursion. thank you, arkansas highway transportation department, for taking SUCH good care of the roads (insert sarcastic eye roll). thank you, cranky and dangerous commuters, for your SUPER FUN antics and blood pressure-raising maneuvers. thank you, full bladder that i should've emptied before departing, for swelling to the size of a basketball and making me seriously consider wearing depends.

things i have done:
secured the safe arrival of both mama and sister
re-scheduled a much-needed haircut twice
planned a small (but exciting!) vacation

things i have not done:
bought a single christmas present
plucked my eyebrows in the last week
wished anyone, anywhere, happy holidays

ooooopsy daisy...

what i was trying to say...

http://www.slate.com/id/2206445/pagenum/all/

priority check

so have you seen all the stories in the news about barack obama being a smoker? it seems as though every news outlet in the u.s. (including, but not limited to, the chicago tribune, abc news, the washington post, fox news [of course] and cnFREAKINGn) has jumped on this "story" and driven it into the damn ground, securing a promise from the future PRESIDENT OF OUR COUNTRY that he won't smoke after he takes office. um, am i alone here? or is this the most NON-RELEVANT ISSUE EVER? who gives a shit if the man likes his marlboros?!? yes, smoking is bad. yes, big tobacco is bad. yes, we all fight our little wars with cigarettes from time to time. but he's about to be the LEADER OF THE FREE WORLD for chrissakes. SURELY there are more pressing things one would like to discuss with the man who's about to take over our economical, educational, and social policies... SURELY. so... is it just me? or is this kiiiind of a bunch of bullshit?

time to intervene

i swear to god, if i don't start waking up before 6:30 every day, my co-workers are literally going to have to install a shower head at work for me. i am yucko to the max.